Salute Me or Shoot Me
HBO · 2023 · 57 min
Sam Jay on the exhaustion of modern relationships and empathy.
Sam Jay uses her first HBO special to make a plea for empathy, but she does it with the dry, transactional logic of someone who is tired of being told what to care about. Recorded at Brooklyn Steel, the show captures Jay at a career high point, fresh off her late-night series Pause with Sam Jay and her Peacock comedy Bust Down. Onstage, she is relaxed, pacing with a blunt, block-by-block build-up of logic that makes even her most contrarian stances feel reasonable.
A major chunk of the hour revolves around her recent engagement, specifically her sudden, unexpected promotion to “junior man” in her relationship. Presenting as a masculine queer woman, Jay lays out the hard labor of traditional gender roles—from the high-stakes responsibility of trash day to the paralyzing silent standoff that occurs when she forgets to open a restaurant door for her fiancée. Her frustration with modern expectations carries over into a bit about climate change, where she admits that melting ice caps and suffering walruses simply cannot compete with her daily domestic schedule.
Jay also tackles the modern vocabulary police, walking a tightrope during an elaborate defense of her right to use outdated slurs. Throughout the hour, her goal is not to offend but to examine why keeping up with cultural progress has become such an exhausting chore.
The set list
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Being the 'junior man' in her relationship after getting engaged.
Compares her former 'dick-sucking days' to assuming masculine domestic burdens like opening doors, taking out the trash, and providing financial security for her fiancée.
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Policing language instead of policing behavior.
Argues that society has misplaced the word 'retarded' by directing it at people with autism or Down syndrome instead of genuinely dumb people like Herschel Walker, and notes she'd rather hear slurs to know who people really are.
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Advocacy for little people and architectural barriers.
Questions why the word 'midget' was policed while society designs doggy doors for pets but fails to make doors accessible for people with dwarfism, recounting a story of watching a little person struggle to open a heavy door.
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Whiteface for Halloween.
Dismisses outrage over white people wearing blackface and suggests Black Americans dress in whiteface instead, providing her own costume guide.
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The closer (spoiler). Show it
Waiting for a stall in a men's public restroom.
A man on the toilet abruptly cuts off his stream and moves to the urinal so she can use the stall, highlighting that chivalry and grace still exist when you meet people where they are.
How it plays
- Tone
- Hilariously frank, raw, witty, thoughtful, and provocative yet grounded in empathy.
- On stage
- Brutally honest, conversational, effortless, self-aware, and observational; daring performer drawing comparisons to Patrice O'Neal.
- Pace
- Hilarious pauses for effect, broad and animated gestures, magnetic stage presence, conversational flow.
- About
- empathy, long-term relationships and engagement, gender roles and being 'the man' in a lesbian relationship, policing language vs. policing behavior, slurs and disabled representation, race and racism
What the critics said
Praised as a nuanced, layered, and multidimensional hour that takes thoughtful risks on polarizing topics; applauded for grounding cultural commentary in personal vulnerability and an overarching call for empathy.
In the room: A genuine paying fan crowd that showed up and connected strongly with the material.
Backstory
Recently engaged to her partner of 17 years; explores being in the masculine/'junior man' role in a queer relationship, navigating empathy across polarized cultural topics, and examining language vs. behavior.
Details
- Released
- Taped
- Brooklyn Steel
- Runtime
- 57 min
- Where
- HBO
- Director
- Linda Mendoza
- Topics
- Before
- 3 in the Morning (2020)
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3 in the Morning
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