Alive In Alaska

Catching a fish with bare hands in the ocean and discovering Alaskans are completely unimpressed by nature.

Contrasts his own shock and excitement with the resigned local response that the salmon was simply dying.

Ordering an 'Alaskan style' reindeer hot dog.

Discovers it is completely bare because Alaskan style means putting whatever you want on it free from government supervision.

Flying on the Alaskan 'milk run' flights where planes act like municipal buses.

Jokes about unexpected multi-stop flights across towns like Cordova, Sitka, and Yakutat.

Childhood in an Iowa meth town and the concept of the garage refrigerator.

Explains how growing up around exploding meth labs led him to believe garages naturally exploded due to loud secondary refrigerators holding deer meat and warm beer.

Discovering at age 37 that Red Lobster is not a fancy high-end restaurant.

Recounts treating a three-story Red Lobster in Times Square like a formal establishment requiring khakis.

Describing Big Lots to someone who has never been there.

Depicts Big Lots as 'Kmart in the middle of a divorce' or an unshowered yard sale with a prison built around it.