There's No Money In Babies

Chris Porter leans heavily into exasperated confusion, pointing his gravelly voice at the absurdity of modern parenting and middle-aged dating. His best moments come when he turns his irritation on the self-inflicted misery of parents who let youth sports devour their lives and bank accounts.

The special was filmed at the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon. Released on YouTube in 2023 via Helium Comedy Studios, it arrived at a transitional point in Porter’s career. Years after placing third on Last Comic Standing and enjoying a long run of popularity with his 2014 hit Ugly and Angry, Porter chose the independent internet route for this hour. When asked why he put it on the platform for free, he cited a Miles Davis philosophy: a recorded album is simply an advertisement for the live show.

That touring mileage shows in the material’s polish. Porter remains skilled at taking a petty grievance and stretching it into a minor epic, like his lengthy dismantling of youth sports or his breakdown of the trials of buying a custom sofa. Other standout sequences focus on the bizarre mechanics of boofing, dating rules by decade, and a closing argument about how some babies are simply not attractive.