If You Buy This CD, I Can Get This Car

Robert Schimmel structures almost an entire hour of stand-up around his genitals and the various ways they dictate his life decisions. He works exceptionally dirty, using explicit material as a framework for genuine vulnerability. The pacing relies on his signature conversational anxiety, weaving through humiliating sexual encounters and medical emergencies with a needy, confessional energy. He plays the role of a guy desperate to explain himself, even when the details guarantee he looks terrible.

Released as an audio album in 1998, this hour arrived during the peak of his notoriety as a frequent guest on The Howard Stern Show. It marked his second release with Warner Bros. Records. The material leans heavily into the physical realities of a recent heart attack, anchoring the tracklist with a fifteen-minute centerpiece about recovering from cardiac arrest while trying to maintain a sex life. Beyond the medical trauma, the bits hit on trips to the sperm bank, an obsession with Demi Moore, and his chronic inability to land network television work. He caps the project with a literal musical title track, complete with an uncensored version.